On most things, my husband and I are in perfect agreement. The big exception is travel. Aside from a few places and occasions, he’s perfectly happy to stay home. It doesn’t help that his current job pretty much requires him to stay in one place for the next several years.
Me, on the other hand… well, I have itchy feet. My career also makes travel a heck of a lot easier. All I have to do is stick my laptop in my bag and grab my toothbrush.
This could be a problem for the two of us: If I was to follow what seems to be the common approach — either stay home with him or talk him into taking off for parts unknown with me — one of us would be less than pleased. But we’ve discovered that we’re both willing to be a little more flexible and consider a few other options.
Flying Solo
Early on in our relationship, we realized that we didn’t really have to spend every day of the year together. Don’t get me wrong — we love being together, but we can talk to each other every day even if we aren’t in the same city. As long as I come home every so often and I get to spend some quality time with my husband, I’m willing to fly solo.
When we had been dating for about a year, I had the opportunity to spend four months in Dublin. After some long talks, we were convinced that this whole long distance relationship thing would work out — despite the many, many people who told us that it wouldn’t work. So I packed my bags, hopped a plane across the Atlantic and settled into a flat that I shared with four other American girls.
It’s interesting to note that those four girls had all left broken hearts behind them on their way to Ireland: they’d broken up with boyfriends back home because they didn’t think that a long-distance relationship would work. The sheer number of Irish guys with great accents that happen to live in Dublin may have been a contributing factor to that decision.
I had a great time in Dublin. Sure, I had Skype open on a regular basis and my cell phone bill was a little higher than those of my flatmates. But overall, I’m pretty sure than I had a much better time than they did. While they were out chasing replacements for their boyfriends back home, I was working film festivals, finding new bars and visiting friends all over the British Isles.
Traveling Teammates
There are a few trips that I do want to take with my husband and he’s willing to give it a go. But I also have travel plans that, while they would go smoother with a traveling partner, I know that my husband isn’t particularly interested in. That doesn’t mean that I’m stuck with going on my own if I don’t want to.
I’ve found a few friends in similar situations — some with a significant other not able to travel, or perhaps someone unattached but still interested in traveling with a friend. Right now, I’m working on the logistics of spending a couple of months in Europe next year with one of my friends and a whole stack of train passes.
You Can, Too
While not everyone is comfortable with conducting their relationships over a long distance, even for a couple of months, it is a feasible option for a lot of us. That said, there are a few things to keep in mind when considering it:
- You have to talk about it — down to every last detail. To keep a relationship going strong, wherever you are, takes plenty of communication. Traveling requires even more, especially before you leave: What sorts of expectations do you have for each other? Will you check in at certain times? Is everyone comfortable with the arrangement? What sort of emergencies would you come home for?
- You have to be willing to compromise. Just because one of you wants to stay year round in the same zip code doesn’t mean that both of you will. The same goes for wanting to spend all year long — not everyone thinks that sounds like a great idea. Bringing balance to your relationship when it comes to travel is just as much a matter of compromise as it is for every other part of your life.
- You will need time to recharge. For me, I prefer not to stay away from my husband much more than three months at a go. While we can maintain our relationships at a distance, I do like spending plenty of time with him in person. Going home and recharging your relationship is important.
Nice post! I am currently in Brazil with our three children and my husband has stayed home in Texas. We plan to be gone for a year. Like yours, ours is a friendly agreement that this can work for all of us. We also spend a lot of time on skype and instant messenger fillling him in on the details of the day and hearing about what he is doing. I feel like some time apart allows us not to forget who we are as individuals and to continue to grow. Sometimes that can stagnate through the years without something to shake things up. We are looking forward to my husband visiting us in the next month or so.
@Carmen, Sounds like you and your husband have found a great system. I’ve always thought that there were plenty of us out there with a less conventional approach to traveling with our families — thanks for sharing your experience!